I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
