well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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