I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
