Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
