No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
