im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
