just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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