The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
