it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
