i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
