Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
