You're my little dorito
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I enjoy the company of your penis
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
