I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize