I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
