hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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