I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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