i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
