I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
