My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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