oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
