and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
