Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
