so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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