Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
