i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
