I wish I could teleport
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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