this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
