she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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