I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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