Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
