I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
P.S. I can't hear my feet
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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