We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
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So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
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I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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