yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
