I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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