I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
