i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
