I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
