So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
