Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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