i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
