we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
