my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
