I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We left the knife in your bed.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
