Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
