I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
