i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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