who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
