you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
