clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
