Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
im about as happy as oj after his trial
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
