I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
