We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
