apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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