...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
