I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
