im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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