her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
