its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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