he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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