If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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