help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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