could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
