So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
